i just want to be normal

“Did you get the message that was left for you?” This was the first thing said to me. “Yes”, I replied and then proceeded to explain that I was worried.. so many people who’s stories I read seemed to have lost a good deal of mobility. I already had days where I had to shuffle through. I was just in the garden that past weekend trying to plant under the tree and the pain in my hips was excruciating. There was a bit of commentary on how we tend to do too much as women and sometimes we give up and resign ourselves to the pain.

I wasn’t sure if this was meant to commiserate or as a hint to suck it up. I was in my head a lot and feeling very dismissed. I forgot all the questions that I had wanted to ask and my steadfast rule on not taking medications flew right out the window. I just wanted some relief. I just wanted to be normal. That day I drove around for hours, prescription in hand and crying. Then I went home and cried some more. Later that afternoon, I did suck it up.. and I trudged into the pharmacy.

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