she works hard for her money

One thing that hasn’t eased yet is the fatigue. I still feel tired and stressed most of the time. I still want to not get out of bed (as if the fat cats would allow that). I don’t want to do the hour long drive to work, or exercise, or shop.. basically coffee keeps me going because otherwise I would avoid all the big effort activities that need to get done in a day if I could. I must say that I do not enjoy this adulting that I so looked forward to as a child.. except the wine, I do enjoy the wine.

My biggest stressors, of course, are everyone’s biggest stressors – work, money, and chores. I make them even more so in my head because of my anxiety. Right? Adulting sucks. It is a no brainer, however, that I need said job.. and so far have been lucky to have one that pays sufficiently enough that I can afford life. It has not always been so and there’s no guarantee that it will always be so. Bills must be paid.. there’s not much to do about that.. at least not until that winning lottery ticket finds me.

To make the day more workable, I do shoulder exercises at my desk since that is where I carry the most of my tension. I get up to do some intermittent walking when I can and my fit bit nags me into it. I Listen to interesting podcasts on my long drive. This all helps to distract from some of the pain usually and thus far I have thankfully enough not had to call in with it.

Against my doctor’s advice, I chose not to have her fill out the FMLA paperwork in case of unexpected absences. I understand the value of having that protection in the event that my condition worsens, but I feel where I am that there is an unspoken stigma that I am not prepared for. I hope to have my job to be able to pay things off and save up for the in case in the coming years.. I am not sure filing official documents would be fruitful to that end. As my boss likes to say, “perception is reality”. Even though I find that wrong and unfortunate, I feel like even if I never used it, that view would still linger.

For now, I will keep working on ways to manage my stress, rest when I can, and simplify other areas of my life where possible. The way I see it, less bills = less $ needed = less stress.. and since adulting remains on the table, I will worry about exercise and chores another day.. and maybe have a glass of wine instead.

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