speaking of more time

I’ve been taking advantage of my free (er) evenings during the week to relax and enjoy some hot tea with collagen powder. I’ve also been getting some healthy meal deliveries to make things a bit easier during the bulk of the week and have mostly stuck to keeping off of the mindless Facebook scrolling. Go me!

The hot tea relaxes me and in addition to making me look 20 years younger (not), I heard a few mentions that the powder helps with joint/gut/immune health.. yes please to all of that. I am giving it a try. So far there is nothing major to report except my skin seems a bit plumper and one most painfully persistent joint seems to be easing at least during the day. Maybe I will turn into a spry supermodel-esque creature yet – just kidding, not really my goal set.

sleep eludes

When I move on from this world, they will have to pry three things out of my cold dead hands – my Coop pillow ($$$ totally worth it $$$), my Lunya sleep mask (fyi-I don’t look near as sexy as the site model but it’s still amazing), and my weighted blanket. Then again, I may just take them with me.. they’ve helped that much.

Quality sleep for me is ever elusive. Often I wake up several times on a good night and almost always around 3 am (ish).. what’s up with that? Once awake, any minute noise keeps me that way.. which makes the long drive to work that much more fun.

I have tried many things – failures being earplugs (ouch), sound machine (please refer to minute noise reference above), and even wine.. okay the wine works but one can’t drink every night. Currently I am exploring – hot tea, aromatherapy mister, and a set bed schedule that includes thirty minutes of down time. That last one though hasn’t really been kept to.. working on it. If you ask me, I am finding these mythical tales of “waking up refreshed” a bit suspect.

not an only water baby

There’s something about a less is more concept that pulls at my inner obsessive (still working on my Kondo). So when I came across this article, I squealed joyfully at the thought of a complete reset and handed over my last Amazon book credit. I was totally on board with this water only laziness.. plus the word detox had me (in my mind) spending all those extra minutes lounging in my newly beautiful skin munching on organic fruit while my cats gave me a massage. What? It’s plausible..

There are three levels:

  1. supplement (3+ days) – keep your current skincare but add in one of her recommendations.. I liked the idea of honey as a face cleanser
  2. eliminate (1 day) – no product or makeup of your own, replace them with her suggestions.. she has a ton of recipes, I really enjoyed the chickpea mask
  3. detoxify (3 days to 2 weeks) – no products or makeup at all and you cleanse with water only.. she suggests a washcloth for the body and 10 to 20 splashes for the face, rubbing the water across with your hands

I went all on with level 3.

Did I mention that the water only method includes not just your face but your entire body and your hair? Yeah.. I wish not to talk about it. My face, however, became quite soft and pore shrunken within a few days after just a quick bout of mild dryness. I didn’t even mind going around with a naked face.. that is, until the spots came stampeding in.

Purging.. just purging, I figured – and I stayed strong. Then one night, when things had gotten a bit out of hand, I broke and dotted my nemeses with blemish lotion. It was my only cheat night. They eased but never left. They invited friends. Towards the end of the two week trial I finally had to call it.. I was developing quite a prominent rosacea red mustache. Obviously, I was not an only water baby.

I gleefully scrubbed myself from head to toe and then proceeded to march around the house in my unders proclaiming my cleanliness far and wide.. well, to the husband, the fat cats, and possibly a neighbor passing by the window anyways. Bless all the folk that this worked so well for, but it was just not my cuppa. I continue on working out the perfect clean routine in an effort to see if that makes any differences in my body and it’s infinite weirdness.. to be continued..

The chickpea mask:

Mix 1 tbsp of mashed chickpeas (what I used) or chickpea flour with enough turmeric to tint it yellow. Then add 1 tbsp of water and apply. Leave on until dry then rinse off. Easy chickpeasy.

mind over matter

The past weekend was a mind over matter sort.. Friday I cleaned my car and cooked a nice healthy dinner. Saturday I finished the dreaded mopping. By the evening my body was killing me but I felt like I stuck to it and accomplished something. I rewarded myself with a tiny bit of chocolate cheesecake and some red wine.. okay, a lot of bit of cheesecake but I earned it. It caught up with me by Sunday and I slept most of the afternoon.. totally worth it though to have that feeling of getting things in place. I am still learning my balance.

This week’s rituals for living challenge in my planner asks me to sit in front of a fire (apparently they don’t have a grip on what summer in the south feels like) and to imagine it burning up any negativity.. in its place filling your body with light. I spent Saturday morning early while the house was quiet sitting at the hearth with candles lit doing just that. I plan to repeat this again in the coming week. With my eyes closed and feeling the candlelight on my face, I felt much more at peace.

finding my way in the fog

Fibro fog.. it’s a real disrupter. Pre-diagnosis, I referred to this as extreme old lady brain. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t remember even the most simple things and on occasion even why I was where I was.. or sometimes even where I was. I joke, but at its worse it can be a bit scary.. not to mention all the side eye you get standing in the middle of the grocery store wine section with a completely blank expression for an extended block of time. True story – I had to message the husband to ask why I was there.. to which he amusingly replied, “Do you know WHERE you are?” Cute, cute.. I love him so much the more because he made me laugh in the moment.

Awhile back I bought this rituals for living dream book and planner. It was one of those schmancy frivolous purchases that I was lured into with a good sale. It turned out to be a life saver. In it I can keep track of what I want to accomplish overall and in a week. It helped me clarify my priorities and establish a simplified breakdown to make things a bit easier. What I liked about this one is that it has a place to set daily intentions, be creative, gives a weekly challenge, and has a place for you to express daily gratitude for one small thing in your life so you don’t lose focus on what is really important (hint – it’s not the dishes).

Now, I don’t feel you have to have a fancy pants planner to do any of these things, you can use any planner available. You can log in your own goals, inspirations, gratitudes, creativities, favorite lipstick color.. whatever makes your heart skip a beat in any old notebook really. Same thing. The point is to keep track, which is what it really helps me to do and to stay positive. If I can’t get something done, I just move it to another day or week. Sometimes I have been known to skip a week. If I notice that certain things are consistently getting missed, I reevaluate and maybe try to break it into more manageable chunks.. or I ask for help. Some days I may be struggling to even remember my name or I am just not feeling it and need the written reminders.. and I think it’s worth a try if you have an old spiral bound lying about.

i don’t like the drugs but

“Side effects include nausea, constipation, drowsiness, difficulty sleeping, dizziness, etc, etc..” These are all the things I should have read before taking the Cymbalta. I didn’t. I resigned myself to my fate and I took the pill. I do wish someone had mentioned the withdrawal aspect to me ahead but then I probably wouldn’t have taken it. Thankfully, it was the lowest dosage available since my doctor was aware of my very vocal distaste for taking any type of medication if I don’t absolutely have to.. yes, doctors love me (insert sarcasm here).

I steer clear. My mother had a dependence on prescription drugs. Having grown up living that, well.. lets just say I have hang-ups. Add to that the fact that medicine almost always affects me adversely.. I steer doubly clear. This should give a hint to what level of pain we fibro sufferers feel.. let me say it again – I TOOK THE PILL.

Now, I am not going to lie and say it was magical. All of my symptoms didn’t disappear and I lived happily (and pain free) ever after. The first week or so was not fun. I was dizzy and woozy all the time.. and I drive an hour to work everyday. I had random sharp shooting pains. I had headaches. I was super queasy. I’d rather cut off my leg then be queasy. I was constipated (I know, I know.. but it’s important because I have diverticulosis). I would fall asleep for a couple of hours just to be restless all night as the slightest sound woke me. I was tired.. well, more tired. I would have just stopped it but by that time I had read of the horrifying withdrawal.. so I stuck with it.

Here’s the thing – for me it worked. Most of the earlier side effects subsided eventually and my pain went down considerably. I felt near normal on many days. I am glad that I didn’t read into the scary stuff and am most days better able to deal. I am aware it doesn’t work for everybody, but so far it has given me some of my life back and for that I am thankful.